I have decided that I am going to take the advice I have been given by someone who has helped me a lot through the last year at college. She helped me see things as they are and also that I can’t personally do anything about the situation that is happening right now. I have finally decided to take her advice on board that I need to separate me from the actual situation and stop making the situation my own and becoming really really bothered and affected by it. I cannot ignore it, naturally, but I can make sure that it doesn’t affect my own life and my future. Whatever happens, I still have my own life and I can do whatever I want with it, and sometimes it is as if I am not living my own life, I am living someone elses. I am responsible for my future and the person I want to be. What I am going through cannot affect my decisions in things such as going to uni. If that’s what I want to do then I have to do it. It will be good for me and it will take me away from all this. Not make me oblivious to the fact its happening, but give me my own life and prospects back. Whenever I am upset I just need to think of her and what she would do/say and become more sensible in what I think.

That’s it. I know its very much time to let go, but I can’t. I dont want to. I am holding on to the tiniest piece of hope that I have left in me and I can’t give that up yet. I haven’t thought of life without that tiny bit of hope. And even if it crosses my mind it makes me feel so sick and upset so it isn’t worth it. I need what I am hoping for right now, but I am afraid that I may be losing everything else just to hold on to 1 tiny piece of hope. Maybe it doesn’t make sense to anyone else. But it does to me and I won’t change myself for anyone.